Working on me...

Well I did it.. I went to the gym today, I dragged my butt (with the help of Megan) and we walked on the tread mill for 20 min. Not Olympic medal by any stretch but a start none the less. I have been out of the gym pattern for along time- 6 months to be exact. Ironically stopped going to the gym thinking that I was going to prevent any risk of miscarriage etc.

So this time I'm taking my doctors advice, I'm gonna go do some exercise (I"m not out to set any world records or anything) and eat well (welcome back to weight watchers)... and from there I hope to get my body back in balance and make it as healthy as I can so that I can once again open up the Bates Motel (uterus) to any willing eggs and sperm that would like to take up residents for a long time- 9 months this time!!!!

I am also trying to work on my emotional side, I'm trying to read good helpful books, and looking in myself at my spiritual side as well. I guess you could say that I'm trying to take a holistic approach to bettering myself. Even though I still feel sad I have to say that I have stopped crying as much, I think that must be a sign that things are getting a little better. I surely still have my moments but they are fewer then before. I still feel a deep sense of loss and with that I often find myself lost in my thoughts or feeling empty. I walk around with stressed panic feeling in my stomach. It seems to stay with me all the time... I hope that is the next thing to go. I guess this is what they mean when they talk about the stages of grief.

Anyway I'm gonna go make a stir fry and wait for my wonderful husband to get home. As sad as I feel its good to be loved, keeps you going even when its tough. I do thank Barry for doing his silly dance for me on a regular basis in attempts to make me laugh.. that honey is the sign of a truly wonderful husband.