Why are some days so hard?

I don't understand why some days are so much harder then others. Yesterday was for the most part the best day I have had so far. However I woke up this morning out of a bad dream and I just felt that sense of dread for the day to start. I had this dream that friends were coming over to my house and bringing positive pregnancy test after test to show me. I could not escape I could only sit on the couch as they presented me with the tests. It sounds dumb even as I write it, but I woke up feeling sick.

I feel like on my good days I'm functioning and getting lots of things accomplished, but even at that I feel like my mind is always back in the hospital or going over what could be the answer for what went wrong, or planning the next step. Its tiring to say the least. Then on the bad days I feel like I just have no drive to do anything. I just want to sit and stare out the window.

Each day stretches out long before me. I have developed a morning routine. I get up see Barry off to work, I feed the pets, then I go to the computer hoping for some sort of email to connect me with the outside world. I then spend some time blogging. The days are long I for the most part feel disconnected from the world. I do try to get out and I call people.. but I find for the most part none knows what to say and I don't know how to tell people at times what I need. I'm feeling sad today, I hope it passes I could just use a big hug right now and for someone to tell me that its OK and that I'm going to be OK......