A Mustard Seed....

Barry and I went to Church today. Its only the second week that we have gone, but I have been enjoying it. Last week there was a guest speaker talking about missions in Israel, I did not have much to relate to that, although informative.

This week it was the Pastor of the church (he married us for those of you who may remember) who spoke. I have to honestly say that I really related to the message today. I have heard people say that they have felt like a service was written for them. I have to say that is how I felt today. I wont get into going over the whole message but its was about facing the issues of life, dealing with loss and having faith that God can meet our needs.

I have been struggling lately with faith, I cant say that I have practiced my faith as actively as I once did.. but up until recently I knew that deep inside me it was still there. Then we lost our Abby, and I have to say that my faith was shaken, I started to think how could there be a God when he does this to us, how can I keep taking hit after hit. In the past 5 years I have lost a mother, a father and a baby.. who can believe that is fair? Lots of people lose things and death is a part of living but I guess in the faith department it makes you wonder how to have faith when these things happen. Anyway today the Pastor talked about how even if you have the faith the size of a mustard seed God can use that. I have not seen many mustard seeds but from what I remember they are pretty small. So I think that during the service I realized that I have a mustard seed, and my hope is that I can use that mustard seed of faith to reach out and hope that things can get better, that our dreams of a family can be realized. So I will go back next Sunday, because I'm curious and because I want to feel peace. Alot of the time I feel anxious unsettled and at war inside. If God can help change that I will use my mustard seed of faith to try and believe, even when I cant see or feel it.