Its day 1 of being on my own.. its strange how going through this experience you become so vulnerable. I consider myself a strong person... but this morning it was hard to not grab onto Barrys leg and beg him not to leave me. I knew it would be hard for him so I did not want to do that.
Today has not been as bad as it could have been. Barrys car died so I had to take it to get fixed and fill out EI papers. So these things kept me busy. I have given myself some very specific rules to follow. I dont want to let myself sink into a deep depression, so I have tried to give myself some daily structure.
My rules are as follows:
1. I get up with Barry and start my day.
2. I'm not allowed to spend the day on the net looking for answers that don't exisit.
3. I'm not allowed to sit on the coach watching TV crying all day
4. I set out a structure for my day to be productive
5. If I need to stop and have a cry Im allowed to do that, and I will call a friend if I need to.
6. I will work on letting myself heal emotionally and physically so that I can prepare to start over.
Anyway thats my plan of action. Its step by step today and it will be over in 2 hours when Barry comes home and I will have made it through the first day.
I know that life goes on and that while I'm doing all this the world continues.. Im finding it hard to take it step by step as Barry would say. I want to skip steps 1-10 and be pregnant again. That of course is not how it works. I have a waiting period for recovery so I have to be patient (and being that its my stronget attribute-not) Im finding that very tough. I want to be where I am not and not be where I am. I want to be on the other side looking back . They say hindsight is 20/20 I want to look back at this and see the good that came out of it and realize Im a stronger person for all that we have dealt with. Right now Im stuck crawling though each hour holding my breath .. that I will make it.
No comments:
Post a Comment