Happy Birthday Mom

I feel guilty... I have been going about my day and doing things and I realized that I have forgotten something important. I thought that there was a bit of an itch today, something that was making me think about my parents more then normal, then of course I realized it- today was my mom's birthday. I guess sometimes for me I try not to dwell on thoughts of them that might make me sad, like a birthday that wont be celebrated.

However I of course want to acknowledge my dear mom, she deserves that. I have another confession to make I have not been to the cemetary since November 2004. That was the day of my dad's funeral. I just have not been able to bring myself to go, it doesnt mean that I love them any less... I just find that its hard to go. Anyway I feel that I should go, so my plan is when the weather gets nicer Im gonna go and plant something to make it prettier. I dont know if others have been going but I should go, they are gonna put up the stone soon, so I should go see it. I was listening to a song today it was a country song today and it sort of struck how I have been feeling lately:
I raise my hands, bow my head I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see I can't quote the book The chapter or the verse You can't tell me it all ends In a slow ride in a hearse You know I'm more and more convinced The longer that i liveYeah, this can't be No, this can't be No, this can't be all there is When I raise my hands, bow my head I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can seeI believeOh, II believe

I think that my mom and dad would be happy to know that I do believe that there is more to this life then just what is seen. I truely believe that when you take your last breath its just the begining, your onto the next step. So I hope that my mom is having a wonderful birthday in heaven with my dad, my aunt Audery, uncle Sam and my grandparents. I hope there is cake and gifts of joy... I hope they are watching my life unfold and are proud of what I am trying to become. The greatest gift I can give them is to honour the beliefs they have given me. So Im trying- baby steps, trying to sort some stuff out. So Happy birthday mom blow out your candles and smile. I love you.