Humanity

Its funny, one day you feel like writing a blog about how the toilet paper on the roll looks and the next you find yourself reflecting on, well everything that brought you to where you are. This is one of those days. I have found that March has been a werid month, I have found my moods to be all over the map and I have found myself looking at my life.

Sometimes I find myself looking around me thinking that I am this poor example of humanity and that everyone is so much stronger, together and wiser then me. However sometimes you get to see a glimpse of life, you see people around you experience true joy and true sadness. It makes you stop and shake your head and say wow here i am so focused on myself that you forget that there are people out there with needs just like your own. Once you take the time to open your eyes and see what those around you are doing you realize we are all human- I know thats such a hugely obvious statment but sometimes I forget that under the skin and bones and "vitals" that I know how to take, is heart and feeling. I sometimes forget to look at those things. I feel a greater sense of peace knowing that even though we all lead separate lives we sometimes come together and touch each others hearts. Im very glad that the people in my world have touched me and I have hopefully touched. Does this blog make your brain hurt yet? I know that it might not make much sense but it makes sense to me.

Another thing I have been thinking about is God. I feel like I have shut off this tap in myself. Alot of people may not be aware that I came from a very spiritual place. I as many know had some stuff happen in my life over the last few years that made me shut down and it felt like if I let myself be aware of God, or about what that means that I would let in this pain about my family, it felt like if I acknowledged God I had to acknowledge the begining and the end- that death comes and so it has in my life. All those things remind me of parents, and for a long time that was too much. I am lucky to have a friend that recently made me remember that. I had it in my head but I had not verbalized that I well I missed my spiritual side. I perhaps at one time did not have a balance in my life and I was very extreme in some of my views and thoughts, but I believe that there can be balance that includes God. I also know that i was raised in the most loving home my family gave me this God given life they just breathed into me truth and life and taught me how to love. They taught me what God means to us as people. Now Im not preaching to anyone Im just saying my thoughts, I just feel like as I start to think about kids I try to think about the things that I found important in my upbring and I want to make sure that I give those to my family. My parents greatest gift to me was knowledge of God- I need to find my way back to that how can I ever give life to another person without giving them the most important aspect of life - the spirit. Dont worry Im not gonna shave my head or join a cult or anything like that. Im just thinking maybe theres room for God maybe I need to let him in again. I have been scared to think about it scared to think that if I let God in more it will make me feel sad about missing my family. However I would rather chose to think that it would honour them and they would be so proud looking down from heaven. Again not to worry Im still Cherie I just am Cherie who is starting to be touch more with her feelings- I still like red wine...... but so did Jesus so I guess we are in good company!

I have been so narrow minded. Im so blessed yet I complain so much. I have the greatest people in my life- I have the most real people the most true people. Even though we all struggle at times its nice that we can always support each other. Its such a gift to love that sometimes I forget that loving people is sometimes the best you can give- I hope that I can aim to love my friends and family more... complain less appreciate more. I hope that everyone in my life who reads this knows that I feel honored to have you add to my life. Anyway I guess thats enough spilling my guts. Hey what good is a blog if you cant use it to say whats on your mind. I hope you sleep in peace tonight good night.