It's been 1 year today that Abby grew wings and as i sit here in the quiet of the morning reflecting on all that has changed in the last year my heart and mind are overwhelmed by the significance of Abby's short life. It was a life that no one but me ever felt or saw, it was a life that was lived out in my mind from birth to what I dreamed for her.. even though it is a life that never had a breath here it is one that has deeply changed me forever for the better.
I was reading this morning and this verse stood out to me: " He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they can not fathom what God has done from beginning to end" Ecclesiastes 3:11
I read these words and it their truth came alive in me God has taken me from the sadness of loss and a year later has made it beautiful for me, at the time there was nothing good that could have come from her loss but now I see clearly what I could not see then. My life is in God's hand and that trust that I have in him came from this event in my life. Abby is well taken care of in God's hand and I have no fear or doubt that she is fine. A friend said something to me once that at the time I did not believe or understand but now I hold dearly: there will come a time at the end of my life whenever that may be that when I get to heaven I will be standing there and the Lord will take me by the hand and tell me that he has someone for me to meet, then he will introduce me to my daughter in a way that I did not get to know her here. That is something that not every person will have the honour of doing. So I live my life with joy and excitement because God has blessed me with a new life that will be full filled here and I find joy in knowing that my Abby is cared for by the best hands possible- God my father.
So today New Years Eve 2007 I reflect back and I thank God that he took away my despair and gave my heart a new song and I know that I have only seen the beginning of what he will do in my life. Thank you God for my year it has changed me for the better. Thank you for Abby, that I carry her every day in my heart, and for my son that grows and kicks right now ... in the words of old I am truly blessed among women.
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Cherie, you don't know me, I was in grade school with Barry. I just have to say you are truly an inspiration to me, I went through a similar loss two years ago, we lost a little boy at 21 wks. Reading through your blog from the last year, I can only say that I wish I had the strength that you had going through this situation. Its not an easy thing to deal with, but I do beleive what you say that not time heals, but God heals...I truly do beleive this now, with the second child on its way since losing our son. I wish you all the best with the remainder of your pregnancy and with the birth of your little boy.
I just thought this poem was beautiful when I read it and I pass it on to you from one Angel Mom to another.....
What Makes A Mother??
I thought of you and closed my eyes,
And prayed to God today,
I asked "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say.
"A Mother has a baby"
This we know is true,
"But God can you be a Mother
when your childs not with you?"
"Yes you can," He replied
With confidence in His voice,
"I give many women babies,
When they leave is not their choice."
"Some I send for a lifetime,
And others for the day.
And some I send to feel your womb,
But there's no need to stay."
"I just don't understand this God.
I want my child to be here."
He took a deep breath and cleared His throat,
And then I saw the tear.
"I wish I could show you,
What your child is doing today.
If you could see your childs smile,
With all the other children and say....
'We go to earth to learn our lessons,
Of love and life and fear.
My Mommy loved me oh so much.
I got to come straight here.'
I feel so lucky to have a Mom,
Who had so much love for me.
I learned my lessons very quickly,
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy, oh so much,
and I visit her every day
And when she goes to sleep,
On her pillows where I lay.
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek,
And whisper in her ear.
Mommy don't be sad today,
I'm your child and I'm here.
"So you see my dear sweet ones,
Your children are okay,
Your child is here in My home,
And this is where they'll stay.
They'll wait for you with me,
Until your lessons through.
And on the day that you come home.
They'll be waiting at the gates for you.
"So now you see what makes a Mother,
Its the feeling in your heart,
Its the love you had so much of,
Right from the very start"
Author Unknown
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