Weeks ahead

We are officially 2 week away from our vacation. In fact in 2 weeks I'm going to be sitting on a tropical beach! I cant wait! Some people want to travel the world and see interesting things and have big adventures, myself I would rather find a beach with white sand blue water and lots and lots of heat! As I look at the temp outside I can not stress enough how much I want some heat!

Next week I go back to see my Doctor. I am very anxious about this visit, I did all that blood work and stuff so alot of those results will be back, and its a little stressful to think that I could find out that theres something wrong with me that caused this. I don't know what is worse to think that I am the cause of our loss, or to look the doctor in the eye and hear those dread words: we don't know why. Either way answers of some sort are better then nothing. I expect that I will also get some answers about when we can think about trying again.

I'm trying to really rely on my faith right now to let whatever happens happen. I have been waiting for 4 weeks for this appointment that will be in 10 days, and I have places so much of my hopes on it... but I'm starting to realize that whatever the outcome its not the appointment that's getting me through its God. I know that not everyone who reads my blog believes as I do, and that's OK I'm just sharing my own thoughts. I just have to say this: I know that no matter what the doctor tells me on the 8th it does not matter because I'm trusting that God will be the one to get me through the outcomes and see me through my next pregnancy to a healthy baby.

So we have the visit to the doctor, the nice vacation and then I must face my scariest challenge.. going back to work. I have been searching my heart and I think that I have to get back in the saddle and face the world.... I like my job and the people its just hard to think about facing everyone and the questions that will likely be asked. Also the more people you expose yourself to the more chances that someone will say something stupid. Sorry to say that its just human nature... how many of us can say that when something bad happened to us that there was not someone some where that says something dumb. I guess I cant worry about that.. but its one of my sources of stress is dealing with people who don't have tack. On the bright side I think getting back to work and being productive will be good for me. Take my mind off things.

So as I enter February there is lots ahead, time to start to enter the real world again. I hope its easier then it appears to be. Lucky for me I have good people around me.