Its been a month....

Its been a month.. I have to say looking back I don't even know how I made it to this first month anniversary. So many roller coaster emotions. I know that when stuff happens in your life that for a short time the world stops and grieves with you and then it continues to move forward.

I'm slowly getting back on my feet, there are more good moments now and there are less tears then before. Can I say that its all better? That the pain is gone? No I cant, but I can see progress and that counts for something. I still have days were its hard, in fact I still count hour to hour vs day to day. I am very lucky to have such great friends in my life, they have paved the path ahead of me with love and understanding. I could not ask for more. I also have a renewed faith in God.. I believe now more then ever that he has a plan for Barry and I, and while I may still get frustrated that I can't have all the answers now I am learning to trust and be patient (not easy for me believe me!)

I have made the decision about going back to work.. I think that the longer I stay away the harder it gets to go back.. so I finally decided that I will reenter the work world on the 28th of Feb. Its gonna be hard, that next major hurdle to get over, but I think that once I get back that will begin the next phase of healing and moving forward. So I'm gonna go on our trip and look forward to the productivity of work and getting back to my life.

I can honestly say that I am forever changed by this experience and I don't think that it would be right if I wasn't but I hope that from this I will be a stronger person. I believe that God does not give us anything we cant handle, even if we feel like we cant he knows our limits.

I miss Abby, I miss having her and feeling her life force.. but as someone recently told me not many people have the honour of having a daughter in heaven, and that is a rare and precious gift. I have a special angel that will watch over me and one day I will see her again. My heart has a sore spot when I think of April 21st and how I will feel that day, but I have to trust and believe that there is a bigger plan for Barry and I and that one day we will have children here on earth that will add to our family that now included our angel. Yes its been a month, and what a month its been....