The battle of the Mind

People fight battles all over the world every day for thousands of reasons. For me as I'm sure anyone who follows this roller coaster of a blog that is the case for me. I have been and continue to be engaging in a battle of my mind. On a daily basis I struggle to control my feelings and not be over come by the negative thoughts that creep in. I learned in church today about the battle of the mind, which I would say is exactly where I am finding myself these days.

It is so easy to wallow in the negative thoughts, so much harder is it to reframe your mind set and see the good and the positive hope. However when you are able to get yourself there you see the world in a more rational way. I just want my friends who have cared about me through this process to know that I'm going to the win the battle in my mind. I am grieving and it is a process that has its highs and lows. Even in the lowest of lows I am starting to see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I am finding that when I'm at my weakest there is enough faith to keep a candle burning that things will get better.

As much as I'm hating this part of my life's journey I have to say that I'm learning some new things about myself, or maybe just some things that I have forgotten about myself. Julie thank you for the talk the other night, it was more supportive then you know. I don't know what tomorrow brings and I still find it hard to deal with the unknown emotions that I will have on a daily basis I think that it will end happily ever after. I just have to keep the battle of my mind at bay and listen to the good that I know to be true in my life. I feel weak often, but for every time I feel weak I can also see some new strength, perhaps someday my struggle will serve to help someone else. That would be a wonderful way to honour Abby, to use our journey of her being to help someone else. We will have the family we dream of, I just have to trust that there is a bigger plan then I can calculate and control on a daily basis. I'm learning to have that faith again.